My life is strange. I’m not depressed, yet I hate absolutely everything about my life at the moment. I’ve become very distant from my family, I can’t stand anybody, even the people whom I consider to be my closest friends, my financial situation is on a very steady decline, and my career goes against every thing I believe in. I don’t know where I’m heading, or if I even want to get there. I lack any sense of motivation, even to accomplish the most simplest of tasks. Even going out some days is more a chore than a fun activity. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure if I even care that all of this is going on. Maybe the fact that I see fit to even waste some time writing a post about it means that I do want a change. I can’t tell. I might not even give it a second thought once I’m done writing this post. What am I doing? Why can’t I be satisfied with anything? Why can’t I care? I’ve landed myself in a very rough situation and I can’t even bring myself to change anything. That’s a lie. I can. I just don’t want to. Any sane person would make the utmost effort to fix their lives. I understand this entirely, yet I will not do anything. I need something positive in my life, something or someone to motivate me. I don’t know what to do, otherwise. I’m dependent on indifference. The less I care, the less it hurts. Relationships are meaningless, goals are meaningless, friends are meaningless, actions are meaningless. Everything is meaningless. If our lives, and the lives of our fellow human beings come to an end so very quickly, what exactly are we accomplishing? “Make the world a better place” We all have that power. Whether you’re incredibly bright, or mundane, you have the ability to brighten other people’s worlds. But for what? A day, a week, a year of happiness? For one or both parties? Why bother? I’m a sympathetic person, or at least that’s what I like to believe, but what difference does it actually make? We’re here, we decay, and we eventually disappear. Even if we’re remembered, the impacts we make are minimal. We are dust, nothing more. Sometimes I envy the blindly faithful. Giving their all to something they barely understand. They believe they have a purpose, no matter how cancerous that belief is. I know there is nothing. Nothing we can accomplish. I can only hope there is something after this. Certainly no “Heaven”.. But a higher state of being. Something better than this. I higher consciousness, a better understanding of the universe surrounding us. Until I can figure out any more, or until I can find something worthwhile, I will maintain my state of indifference, and my self destructive habits. What else is there?